Friday, August 17, 2007

Typhoonery; Generation GEPT

Hi all, greetings from stormy, ill-weathered Taiwan. It's typhoon season and it's dreary; has been for a week or so. Yush. Also I'm working on a standardized test of EFL and wanted to share some improvised and possibly fragmented paragraphs I worked up for practice with oral skill for Taiwanesish youngsters.

  • Stop jumping on the radio, Terry.
  • Now it's time to hear the latest news.
  • What should you do when your sink is broken?
  • Do you think my nose is too big?
  • Why do you keep looking at your watch?
  • Is there anything I can do to help you?
  • Don't throw your gum at the lion, Lisa.
  • Try to talk more slowly and put the cat down.
  • Take a minute to review your notes.
  • I don't want any carrots with my apple pie.
  • Please wait for a moment while I sleep.
  • Can you possibly fix my car before lunch time?
  • Are you sure you want to have beer for breakfast?
  • There are no sharks in my pool, I think.
  • I might need some help moving my sofa.
  • I don't really like listening to good music.
  • Why are we really taking this test?
  • Can you give me a pencil?
  • What movies are playing at the theater this evening?
  • This is a story about a toy cowboy and a toy pig.
  • Tell me the truth--I can't believe you really are George Bush's father.
  • Swimming is easier when you don't wear ski pants.
  • Salads are always more delicious with candy in them.
  • What are you going to do with that huge pillow?
  • I can't understand how to make math classes fun.

Many people who used to feel tired of watching TV programs every day have taken up a hobby. There are many hobbies you can choose from. Some people enjoy building up collections of coins, stamps, CDs, or bottlecaps. Other people prefer to build model cars, ships, or airplanes. Some like knitting or making clothing. Whatever you choose will certainly be more interesting and more useful to you than endless hours of cheap cartoons, so try to get involved in some kind of hobby today! Stop wasting your time and have fun!

The other day, I ran into my old friend Steve. I hadn't seen him in several months. It was great to see him, but I don't think he was so happy to see me again. In fact, he appeared to be angry about something, though he was still polite enough to me. He said that he'd lost his job last month and that he was still looking for a new one. He also said that he had to move out of his apartment and live with his parents again. Also, he said that I now had his old job. I hope he was just in a bad mood, and that he's not really angry at me. I still think he's a great guy.

Drinking beverages--it's a fun and easy way to cool down in the summer and to get toasty warm in the winter. Here's how to do it. First, get yourself a delicious drink--why not start with something easy, like a glass of cold water? OK now, pick up the glass with one of your hands. Be careful, because glass breaks very easily. Next, bring the glass close to your mouth with the same hand you used before. Then, with your lips, hold the BOTTOM edge of the top of the glass and tip the glass towards your face slowly. If you go too fast, you could get your shirt all wet! Open your mouth a little so the water can fall right in. Don't forget to swallow it, or your mouth will quickly fill up. After a few seconds, tip the glass back to level and swallow all the water in your mouth. Put the cup down and smile, because I'm sure you'll feel wonderful! Isn't that fun? You can have a drink any day, and even at night! Go on, have a beverage soon and make it a habit for life!

Dear Mom,
I found a dog outside my apartment the other day. It is a tiny little puppy, orange with white stripes. It is very cute. Nobody was watching me, so I took the puppy into my house and gave it some yummy food: corn soup. I called the puppy "Turf" because that's the little sound he makes when he's hungry. Today I dressed Turf up in a cute dress and took photos of him with my web camera. Then in the afternoon I got a message on my homepage from the police. They said that the dog belongs to somebody else, and that I have to give my Turf back to my neighbors or go to jail. That made me angry, so I decided to run away to Canada. I'm leaving now, Mom, and I'll miss you very much. Please tell the police that Turf loves me and doesn't want to go home. I'll see you when I am an old man!
Lots of love,

The subway will not be open this week, from Tuesday to Friday, because all the trains are being repainted black. The seats and curtains will also be replaced with black ones. This will make the trains harder to see at night and also in the underground stations. We don't want any bad people finding our super trains and taking them away, so remember not to tell anybody else about the new color. Also, please tell everybody about the change so that we can protect the trains. Thank you for your cooperation and we'll see you again on Saturday with the secret black-colored trains! Have a great week driving in the city in your car!
--The City Hall Planning and Secret Train Office

The other day, I was walking down the street on my way to school. I suddenly noticed a man's wallet lying on the sidewalk outside the post office! It was quite a surprise. I looked around and tried to discover if anybody was looking for the wallet, and also to see if anybody was watching me. I couldn't see anyone doing either of those things, so I picked up the wallet and put it into my book bag. When I had some time to myself, I examined the wallet. It had 3700 NT dollars in it, as well as several credit cards and a driver's license. I decided to bring the wallet to the police station after school, but I kept the cash as a reward for myself for being such a good person.

Last night at 9:25 PM a man was injured in Taipei when a motorcycle fell on him, breaking his wrist and three ribs. What is strange is that nobody was riding the motorcycle. In fact, the man, Mr. Alva Lin of Kaohsiung, was taking out his umbrella because of the rain. The umbrella hit a parked motorcycle next to Mr. Lin and this caused the cycle to fall down. Unfortunately, Mr. Lin was kneeling down right next to it! Today, Mr. Lin has been treated at the New Life Hospital in Taipei and is expected to be just fine after a month or two. The owner of the motorcycle has not been blamed for the accident. This is Thomas Chen, reporting from Taipei.

That night, Telly went to the shop secretly with a long box under his arm. He was wearing a tall opera hat and an old high school jacket, and on his feet was a pair of yellow socks. The shop appeared to be deserted, but when Telly knocked on the door in a specific and unusual pattern, the door opened silently. Telly looked around to make sure that nobody was watching, and then he stepped inside the dark shop. He pulled out a heavy piece of metal from his pocket, expecting to need some sort of protection from the man who waited within.

ALSO, some "non Wilde" quotes from my Google Widget.

"Yes, sir," he said, and closed the door with a slight bang. Odd, thought Howard as he lit a new and slightly bedraggled cigarette: Temple's out of sorts. What's got up his jumper today? Arnold raced for the door and

What Lord Shillingsly didn't realize was the magnitude of the gift he was to give to her in exchange for her silence. Arnold was a sure thing; no doubt of that. But when Lady Enid showed her the photorealistic scans of his date with the flower girl as an attachment to that wretched email, he had been easily persuaded.
What in blazes was he to do otherwise? All the wedding plans had been laid out in strips and the event was coming like a snail shot out of a buskin. A revelation of that kind during the season would be devastating for his father, his fiancee, and the flower girl, and the flowers themselves. . .well! It was hardly thinkable.
He retraced his thoughts to the morning before when he'd been greeted by an affable Arnold, who'd challenged him to a footrace to the entrance of the Memorial. Arnold raced to the door, and

The Turlock continued to stalk unevenly towards the bleeding Arnold, who let out a muffled shriek of dismay. It shook its shaggy head and large drops of pus and vinegar sported out in rays, tainting a circle of land around it. This assault was going well, it mused as it loomed closer to the boy, but where was the thrill of violent mauling that so soothed his nerves of old? Ah, the ennui was returning, the Turlock sighed to himself as it troubledly raked its jagged and musty claws in random patterns through Arnold's mangled flesh and organs. Perhaps a vacation . . .? Arnold raced for the door and

Perhaps the Turlock has a wife and several baby Turlets?

1 comment:

  1. As a paragraph wrtier, you surpass Geogio Balsamic, the man who weighs deflated basketballs down at the mart. Once, he was a waiter at Lew's (the famous Lew's you may have heard about from Lew himself), but was fired the day he bought a sweater for a chicken. "Why do chickens need sweaters, Georgio?" "To get to the outside?" Georgio isn't with us any more.
    The party's at 8.
    (Dad - heh, heh, heh)